This image has been left to live in my brain for almost 40 years. Now it is here for you to see… for better or worse.

I grew up on a farm. Mostly cows and horses but on occasion their were chickens, ducks, the odd pig or goat, but between animals, a garden, the majority of the houses food came from the farm. This translates into all the work associated with running a farm. Anyone who also grew up on a farm gets it. Those who don’t may need a primer. You don’t get days off. Animals always need to be fed. Manure always needs to be shoveled, be it the weekend or Christmas. My dad was a farmer, his dad was a farmer, and so on and so on.

My dad worked hard… he still today… even in his late 60’s works hard. While he was always protective of us, he was strong… as he needed to be and you didn’t see a lot of soft emotions often. So when I came home one day after school… and he wasn’t working… he was in my parents bedroom. I could hear him talk to my mom through the door, though I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I could tell he was crying… something I had NEVER heard, so it was very unsettling to me at that age. Mom kept us away from Dad that evening and then I went to bed and had a nightmare that haunts me to this day.

In my dream there was a wild lightning storm. There was a rooster on top of a barn next to a weather vane and every time the lightning crashed and thunder cracked, the rooster screamed. Not crowed… screamed. I was viewing this from an impossible perspective slightly above, beside and close to the rooster. I could see in it’s eye. I STILL shudder when I look at a rooster up close. It was one of those dreams where you want to scream… you want to run away, but you are bound frozen in fear. Even though I was 10 and I turn 50 this year… the image has NEVER left my brain.

I found out the next morning, my grandfather, my father’s father, had died. My Grandfather Ken Middleton was to me, the sweetest man. He battled kidney failure the last 10 or 12 years of his life and was mostly bed ridden with a dialysis machine the entire time that I knew him. I was often told the story when he was given his diagnosis and very limited time to live, that both myself and my cousin Trevor… then only a few months old and about a month apart in age… he said “I’d like to see these boys get big” and while he wasn’t expected to last more than a year… he stuck around for another 10. Saw me grow. Saw my brothers and all his other grandchildren that were born in that 10 year time frame.

I remember him always having jellybeans in a reused small plastic bag that was so worn it was like tissue paper. I now know it was because he was allowed less than a cup of water per day and the jellybeans helped keep his mouth moist. I remember his showing us the “bee that lived in his arm” that buzzed when we touched it. Which was actually a shunt in his vein which made it easier to do his treatments. There was so much challenging and tough about his situation… but I didn’t see that. I saw a man that was thrilled to see me and my brothers. EVERY time he saw us. I loved my Grandfather…. and he clearly loved us.

Did something in my brain know he was gone? That the event would be the only thing that would upset my father to such a level I had never seen? Is that what brought my brain to such a point of fear? I really don’t know… but I thought as I’ve been painting, almost for 2 years now… that I may have the ability to get this vision out of my head and let it reside on canvas.

I’ve stayed very true to the original image and feeling of this piece from my nightmare and named it appropriately “Omen”. The skeletal image of the roosters bones were visible in my dream with each flash of lightning. The rain dripping up from the eaves instead of down. The odd topper for the weather vane that looks more like it would be on a house or a church more so than a barn… but there none the less. I have additionally added some things in there that are representational to me… you can seek them out from the photo or ask me in person if you are so inclined… but I’m also fine that they remain there hidden and bound to the canvas if need be.

I found it very difficult starting this painting… and the early process of it. I made me shudder doing the mock up before painting. I hated looking at the under painting… now the fear is dulled… like I’ve taken the edge off a sharp knife. It’s still there in my head, but it’s not taking up the same amount of space…. and the spare space left behind, seems to be refreshed. Filled with jellybeans…. soft, warm, strong hands that always wanted to hold mine… give me a hug… and eyes that were always happy to see me.

Make sure the people you love… know that you love them. We are lucky for every moment we get. Even though I lost my time with him at 10… I am so thankful for every day I got.